ABSTRACT
This chapter is an oral history told by Scott, a 40-something white, Bi+, cisgender man living in Illinois, with context and analysis by the author. Scott is a lawyer who grew up in a progressive college town, but his experiences with dating and sex were limited before marriage. He knew he was attracted to men and women, but he described his same-sex attractions as “scary” and repressed them for decades. When he came out to his wife, they almost broke up, but she decided she could deal with it. Later, Scott cheated on his wife, first with women and then with men, and though he suspects his wife is aware, he has not explicitly disclosed this infidelity. He recently cut off a long-term affair with a man that affirmed his bisexuality, and he has stopped “playing the field”, but he also wants some form of non-monogamy in the future. Scott describes himself as a “cautionary tale” and wants to help other Bi+ men avoid the mistakes he’s made. He’s also changed his conception of gender, become more understanding of its fluidity, and is standing up for the trans community both personally and professionally.
