ABSTRACT
The author is amid a terrible spiritual and moral crisis. She has come through her process of figuring out what to do through the phases of adjustments, including her foggy unawareness and loss of self-perception. She has come through the process of figuring out how to live by meeting Rick and by becoming aware of the ramifications of TBI and PTSD. As well she has come through by feeling her losses and suicidal ideation and learning how to re-establish relationships. Now, in this timeframe, she is trying to figure out the meaning of her struggle. Her sense of hope and spiritual beliefs are undermined, causing a spiritual and moral dilemma. She questions her faith. Through the cycle of ruminative brooding and reflective pondering, and emotional states and coping, a meaning-making process takes place.
