ABSTRACT
For seven years I lived in a liminal space between life and death, feeling closer to the latter than the former, my foothold in this world tenuous. As a result of having gone through these mystical experiences, from my spiritual response to being poisoned to my blissful encounter with a wild Gray whale, I began to develop a deeper faith in a beyond I did not fully understand. In my psychotherapy work, as I surrendered more to uncertainty in the therapeutic relationship, I felt guided by a greater sense of connection with my patients.
Spiritual knowing borrows from many sources including extraordinary, uncanny knowing and enhanced permeability of self-states, the latter put forth by the relational psychoanalytic model. These avenues of spiritual knowing came together psychodynamically to play an intricate role in both my transformation and the creation of the transcendent “third” in many of my psychoanalytic relationships. Some of my patients and I became able to loosen our rigidities of dissociated self “truths,” to have the courage to know previously unknown aspects of ourselves and better sit with uncertainty. Together, we were better able to experience a far-reaching inclusiveness and a greater sense of equanimity.
