We might feel puzzled when our partners say in heterosexual relationships that this is not what they want at all and that they feel unrecognised and unseen in the situation. It can be hard to acknowledge as men that they might be right, especially if we are feeling that we are 'doing our best' . But this is not the issue. It is, as we have mentioned earlier, that our partners may just want to feel that they are being listened to and that their experience is being validated. It might be that as men we either take such a legitimation for granted or else we are so used to living without it, that we do not recognise what is being asked of us. We might simply feel rejected since our own initiatives seem to be refused as out of order. It might be that we are so unused to listening to ourselves that it can be difficult for us to listen to others, even if at some level we want to.