Exchanging Women (2): Jokes

(Jake comes into his office from the barbers, opens the door smiling, speaks to his two associates.) JAKE

Duffy! Hey, Walsh! (to secretary) Sophie, go to the little girl’s room for a minute please.

SOPHIE

But Mr Gittes …

JAKE

Sophie! SOPHIE: Yes, Mr Gittes.

DUFFY

Jake …

JAKE

Listen to me, man, I want to tell you a story. So there’s this guy … Walsh, you understand? … he’s tired of screwing his wife.

DUFFY

Jake …

JAKE

So wait a second, Duffy, you’re always in such a hurry. So his friend says to him, ‘Hey! Why don’t you do it like the Chinese do?’ So he says, ‘Well, how do the Chinese do it?’ And the guy says, ‘Well, the Chinese, first they screw a little bit, then they stop and they go and read a little Confucius; come back, screw a little bit more, then they stop again, go back and they screw a little bit more …

WALSH

Jake …

JAKE

Walsh, just listen to me for a second. (Walsh looks behind Jake to the door at which appears Mrs Mulwray, grey suit, grey hat; she watches and listens to the story) You’ll love this. Now, then they go back and they screw a little bit more. And then they go out and they contemplate the moon or something like that, makes it more exciting. So now the guy goes home and he starts screwing his own wife, see. So he screws her for a little bit and then he stops and he goes out of the room and he reads Life magazine. Then he goes back in, he starts screwing again, he says, ‘Excuse me for a minute, honey’, and he goes out and he smokes a cigarette. Now his wife is getting sore as hell. He comes back in the room, he starts screwing again, he gets up to start to leave again to go look at the moon, she says, ‘Hey! what’s the matter with you? You’re screwing just like a Chinaman!’

(Jake cackles with laughter) Jesus! (Jake begins to turn slowly and sees Mrs Mulwray; he looks at Walsh, who shuts his eyes.)

MRS MULWRAY

Mr Gittes.

JAKE

Yes.

MRS MULWRAY

DO you know me?

JAKE

Well, er, I think I would have remembered (supportive agreement from Walsh in the background).

MRS MULWRAY

Have we ever met?

JAKE

Well, no, never.