ABSTRACT
Love and marriage were first linked during the Puritan era. Sexual passion distinguishes love and friendship. Romantic love is idealized, producing many myths such as: lover conquers all; love is blind; love at first sight; one love forever; women are the romantic sex; the opposite of love is hate. Styles of romance are scripted by gender. A woman’s script says to exchange sex for commitment, even if it is not a marriage commitment. People identify love as the reason for marriage, but marriage and partnering are better explained by homogamy—choosing one like oneself. The “marriage gradient” and associated demographics (age, race, socioeconomic status) are key determinants of selecting marriage partners. Attractiveness must be added to this mix. Interracial marriages are increasing, as are matches with an older woman and younger man. Cohabitation is now preferred and normative before marriage. Nuclear families consist of wife, husband and children but are not defined by function, a homemaker wife and breadwinning husband. Most marriages are dual-earner, with or without children. Women take on most second and third shift work whether they are employed or whether they have children. The functionalist ideal of an employed husband and dependent wife and children has never been the norm and fits only a subset of white, middle-class families. Conflict theory asserts that marriage preserves social inequality when wealth remains in one’s family and social class. Similar to feminist theory, conflict theory contends that a husband’s paycheck determines his wife’s dependence. Family restorationists believe in the patriarchal family, but this ignores social change, necessity of two incomes, and enhanced well-being of children with employed mothers. Choosing not to marry is no longer stigmatized. Alternative lifestyles include single parenting by choice, voluntary childlessness, and commuter and long-distance marriages, such as in the military. Egalitarian marriages are desired but difficult to achieve.
