ABSTRACT
In the give and take of dialogic relating the gestalt therapist needs to be prepared to bring all of herself to the meeting, to allow herself to feel touched, moved and vulnerable with the client in all her humanness. Presence is concerned with relating honestly moment to moment in the service of the dialogue, consequently, although it will include ‘soft’ responses the therapist shows her caring through her authenticity, caring and openness rather than constant softness. As Buber states, ‘If genuine dialogue is to arise, everyone who takes part in it must bring himself into it. And that must also mean that he must be willing on each occasion to say what is really on his mind’ (Buber, 1992: 78). We are open in how we are impacted by the other, ‘further that he makes the contribution of his spirit without reduction and without shifting ground’ (ibid.) This is likely to involve a degree of challenge at times, an example might be, ‘when you say ‘I feel fine’, I feel pushed away’ and sometimes such a response may be heard as rejection. The therapeutic use of presence is not simply a licence to disclose whatever you feel in response to the client. I will repeat that any disclosure needs to be in the service of the dialogue and therefore graded discrimination needs to be used during which the therapist, as steward of the dialogue, assesses how to calibrate their presence in relation to the person sitting before them. If we calibrate our presence too far upwards some of the possible consequences are that the client is overwhelmed, does not feel that there is sufficient space for them or diminish themselves. Tiptoe around showing your presence too carefully and the client may feel unseen, unheard or that the therapist lacks interest. We will get it wrong sometimes but if we remain 232alert to the client’s reactions to our over- or under-pitching our presence, sensing and observing non-verbal communication can inform us what might be needed as the next step. For example, if the therapist holds back their presence when it is called for there may be a heaviness in the air, conversely if she over-pitches the client may pull away bodily, her complexion may pale slightly. Noticing such moments of mis-attunement can often prove therapeutic in itself.
