ABSTRACT
Living the relationship is not 'talking about', it takes place in the here and now being characterised by present-focused relating, and the therapist needs to take the lead in modelling such relating. Denham-Vaughan discusses the dialectic of will and grace present in any living relationship. This relates to the therapist needing to ‘do whilst being’ and ‘be whilst doing’. Will is described as directed action or taking the initiative and grace as receptivity and surrender. Therapists need to be wilfully active to reach out to the clients while allowing sufficient space for the clients to reach across the relational divide where therapists are available to receive them grace-fully. In a living relationship the therapist and client are not seen as separate entities but together they form a dialogic act of creation, what arises in the relationship is explored within that relationship rather than some external cause being sought.
