ABSTRACT

Our relationships with others need to be grounded in our relationship with ourselves, so this is the starting point of the book. This chapter explores how the current neoliberal capitalist rules about relating to ourselves encourage us to constantly monitor and scrutinize ourselves, comparing ourselves against others, and engaging in projects of self-improvement. These rules are worth questioning because they are the root of many mental health problems and leave us swinging from treating ourselves in ‘hard’ and ‘soft’ ways. Alternative ways of understanding ourselves are considered: the ideas that we are both plural and constantly in process. The chapter concludes by considering what a more ‘gentle’ and ‘firm’ way of treating ourselves might look like, and why this might be a good basis for loving relationships with others.