The most difficult part of bereavement for me has been accepting this void, this absence i n my daily life. For a brief period I pretended there was an alternate universe somewhere and my son escaped into i t . I n this alternate universe, Jason was able to do a l l the things he should have done dur ing his life i n this universe-finishing college, fal l ing i n love, gett ing married, pursuing a career, having children, growing old, and enjoying grandchildren. I n this alternate reality, I did not attend his funeral; instead, he attended mine. I l iked this fantasy because my real i ty seemed surreal. M y fantasy of an alternate universe made much more sense, even though i t was just a fantasy.