ABSTRACT
Throughout the years, I often thought being a clergy spouse was difficultunreasonable expectations on me, protecting my family’s privacy, advocating for my husband in the face of congregant attacks, being his sounding board. Religion had always been part of my life growing up, but never actually at the core. I had never even thought about the possibility of becoming a clergyperson myself. (Perhaps that was somewhat generational in that women were just beginning to assume congregational leadership roles at the time I was completing college.) In fact, I had never contemplated the thought of being a clergy wife. But then I met this wonderful man whom I not only loved and with whom I wanted to create a family, but also someone who genuinely inspired me religiously. In the blush of early love, it seemed easy to commit myself to being his wife in all that would require given his path to ordination. But looking back now, I was naïve; I didn’t know what life ahead would be. Now, as my husband is preparing to retire, I have been reflecting on the past 30 years-both the wonderful times and the challenging. I now am not sure whether I would have done it again if I more fully understood what it would have meant to my
children and my own life. But here we are at the brink of a new stage of life, and I feel it is my turn to set our direction in order to have more of my unmet needs and interests met. I feel a strange combination of excitement, resentment, guilt, and anxiety at the prospect, and need help in figuring out how to make this a constructive conversation with him. It will be difficult to plan for and manage through the changes that lie ahead on unfamiliar paths, but I am optimistic that this may bring us even closer together.
