ABSTRACT

A woman announces to her friend that her daughter is getting married next month to a world-renowned architect. “Wait a minute,” replied her friend. “Is that the same daughter who was married to the world-renowned symphony conductor? “Yes, that is the same daughter,” the woman responds proudly. “And is that the same daughter who was married to the world-famous surgeon?” “Yep, that’s the very same daughter!” she responded with pride. Slapping her cheek with her hand, she exclaims with glee, “So much happiness from one daughter!” Yes, parents do get immeasurable joy from their children and take much pride in their accomplishments and achievement, for their attainment is a reflection of their parenting skills and completing the most important job that God has given them to do. As parents, they took this gift from God, the baby who was entrusted to them, supported them financially and emotionally, transmitted morals and values to them, and led them to become a valued member of society. However your parents pride as a clergy person may exceed the ordinary delight that any parent has. As a PK you well knew that there were certain expectations of you that other children did not have. Your parents expected you to behave properly at all times. They took great pleasure when you acted appropriately and were mortified when you did not set the example expected of a PK. They were pleased when you greeted bereaved congregants and showed proper empathy even though you were a child. Your parents were delighted when you helped around the church setting up seating in the social hall, babysitting, or running youth services. They swelled with pride when they called on you to read a passage at the service or to be a leader in the youth group and you did it with grace. On the other hand, you probably wanted to be a normal teenager like your friends. You felt burdened when any of the aforementioned were thrust upon you. You were held to a higher standard and if you acted out, there seemed to be harsher consequences for your actions. An adult PK tells of her experience in high school, “Other kids would stop talking and telling jokes when I came in the room. I would hear ‘Shhhhh, she’s the preacher’s daughter!’ It can be very isolating” (Hileman, 2008, p. 124), I required my sons to go through the high school department at our congregation, for I felt my children had to set an example for others. In my mind, I could hear other children protesting, “The rabbi’s son doesn’t have to go to the high school program, so why should I?” So my sons attended with chips on their shoulders and a sour attitude. I remember standing next to each of them filled with pleasure as they participated in the graduation ceremony and I was able to bless them. For me, it was a great moment, although I am not sure it was for them. Years later, I heard their anger over being forced to attend because I demanded it.