ABSTRACT
Catherine was late, running down the hall of her dorm, when she ran smack into Nick and fell to the ground. She got up, embarrassed, and walked away. A few minutes later, she realized that she had forgotten something and had to go back to her room to get it. Still late and running down the hall, she ran straight into Nick again, in the exact same corner of the hall. Th is time, they introduced themselves, both very embarrassed. Later in the term, they ended up at the same party in the dorm. Catherine was talking with a friend about how she didn’t have a date for her sorority formal. Nick, overhearing, said, “I’ll go with you!” Soon they were spending lots of time together, just studying, lounging around in sweats, and watching reality TV. When the term ended, they left campus for the summer. During her summer internship in D.C., another guy asked Catherine out. She didn’t know what to say. She called Nick to ask about the status of their relationship; were they together? Nick’s answer, “We are 100 percent dating. Tell those guys, ‘No’.” Four years later, they were married. 1
Joe had seen an amazingly beautiful woman around the offi ce. He promised himself that next time he saw her, he would say hello. In the summer of 2008, he got on the elevator and there she was. He gave himself a mental pep talk and worked up the courage to say something. What came out? “Hi, I’m Joe.” He was too nervous to think of anything else. Karen was on her phone when she heard this and looked up and saw Joe. She thought he was really cute but tried not to talk too much because she thought she looked like a mess that day. A few days later, Joe tracked down her email, asked her out for a drink, and she said yes. In the summer of 2012, Joe proposed to Karen in the elevator where they met. Again, she said yes, and the next summer, they got married. “Th e best thing I ever did in my life was keeping that promise to introduce 2
Lindsay was at a party with her then-boyfriend when Dan walked in. Th ey looked at each other and both felt something intense. “I’d never felt electrifi ed by the sight of a perfect stranger,” Lindsay said. Dan explained, “It was almost déjà vu, like I already knew her intimate secrets.” Th ey started talking. “Have I really found you? Are you the one?,” Dan asked her straight out. Th ey stayed in touch but remained only friends because Lindsay was still with her boyfriend. Th ey exchanged over a thousand texts. But then, feeling guilty, Lindsay said they should stop texting. In response, Dan sent a single text, including only one comma. “Th e comma was to signify that in my opinion, we were just on pause,” he explained. A few months later, he showed up to a performance she was giving. When she saw him in the audience, Lindsay knew she had to break up with her boyfriend. She did that night. And that same night, Dan and Lindsay decided they would get married someday. Th ree years later, they were married. 3
On June 16, 2008, Del and Phyllis, who had been together for 55 years, were married in California. A little over two months later, Del died at the age of 87. Del and Phyllis were the fi rst couple to marry when same-sex marriage became legal this time in California. In subsequent years, same-sex marriage would again become illegal in California, and then even later, again legal. But Del and Phyllis had already been through this. Th ey had fought together for years for the right to marry and, in 2004, were actually married for the fi rst time. But shortly after their fi rst wedding, the California Supreme Court invalidated all same-sex marriage licenses. After continuing eff orts and further changes in the law, Del and Phyllis were fi nally able to marry again two months before Del’s death. Following Del’s death, Phyllis, age 83, said she was devastated but took comfort in knowing that they were able to express their love and commitment by marrying before she died. 4
Th ese are all true, real-life, romantic stories of love and marriage. But they also contain interesting dynamics to investigate. Nick is one year older and taller than Catherine. Th ey went to college together and come from similar family backgrounds. He initiated their relationship, and she took his last name when they married. Joe and Karen follow a similar pattern. Joe is two years older than Karen. Th ey are both from New York, have advanced university degrees, and are white and Roman Catholic. He asked her out fi rst and then he proposed. She changed her last name to his when they married. Th ese characteristics are quite common among married couples. Dan and Lindsay are somewhat unique. Dan is 12 years older and also 4 inches shorter than Lindsay, two reasons why she said he was not her usual type. Th ey both proposed to each other, and she kept her last name. Th ese characteristics are uncommon. Nonetheless, they fell in love at fi rst sight and feel like they were meant for each other. Th ese are common ways of talking about love and whom we marry. Del and Phyllis capture the story of the long fi ght for same-sex marriage in the U.S.
