ABSTRACT
In a moment of naked self-revelation, a patient of Dr. Knafo described his character:
What the hell is it with me? For as long as I can remember, I have this twist. Something crooked, something that wants to turn away from what everyone else turns toward. As a kid I wanted to stay home whenever my family went out and go out whenever they stayed home. They’d all get dressed up, and my mother would yell at me to get dressed, and I wouldn’t do it. I’d insist on staying behind. They knew if they dragged me along, I’d make them miserable. So they’d finally go out without me. As my father backed the car out of the driveway, I’d go to the window to watch it pull away, feeling miserable because they’d left me behind. How could they do that? Till this day when I sit down at a holiday dinner, I still have to fight the urge to rip away the tablecloth, sending all the food and dishware crashing to the floor. It’s this twist, this urge that is sometimes so powerful it’s like a commandment from God. But not a God interested in order, normalcy, or goodness. But one whose delight is to upset order, to destroy it, and bring everything crashing down, to show up order for the sham it is or maybe cause a more honest order, I’m not sure. I just know I’m twisted. Twisted away from everything everyone else wants to be part of. I try to belong, I try to fit in, but I can’t believe in what I’m trying
to fit into. It just doesn’t work. It’s all bullshit, but what I’m doing is bullshit too. No matter what I do to get my life right, I can’t because I just have to walk that crooked path, wherever it leads.1
