ABSTRACT
Empathic understanding involves connecting with and communicating awareness of the client’s meaning and experience. It is much more than parroting of the client’s words and even of ‘reflection of feeling’ (although that is sometimes a good place to start). Each of us has our own way of being empathic. Often this takes us beyond the client’s words or outward expression. For example, I was meeting with a young woman client for the first time. She had a smile on her face and was talking in a bright and bouncy way. As she spoke, telling me how great her life was, I was aware that the flesh between my shoulder blades was creeping and squirming and that I felt physically very uncomfortable, even slightly nauseous. This physical discomfort seemed linked to emotional distress (although I could not tell of what kind). Although this appeared to have nothing to do with my client’s overtly expressed experience, I was sure the feeling wasn’t mine – that it was an ‘as if’ experience. So, rather than repeat to her what she had said, I told her about my physical sensations and she burst into tears telling me that was how she felt all the time. Because I had somehow sensed the level of her distress, she was able to connect with it in my presence and to tell me about what lay behind it.
