ABSTRACT
The extent to which partners agree about the external world, and the extent to which each sees the other as he is, or as he sees himself, may have many effects on their relationship. At the lowest level, behavioural meshing (see p.61) would not be possible unless each partner’s view of the other were reasonably close to reality. Their feelings about each other may affect and be affected by the extent to which they agree, or perceive that they agree, about the rest of the world (pp.129–130). Understanding another individual, the ability to predict and mesh with his/her behaviour, to share feelings and meanings, to “read his/her mind’, to facilitate his/her goals, requires the ability to take the other’s perspective and point of view. If B believes that A’s view of her is different from her (B’s) own view of herself, she (B) will feel misunderstood (e.g. Cahn, 1990). Individuals develop more satisfying relationships if they feel they understand how their partners see them and their desires for stability or change (Neimeyer & Neimeyer, 1985). Of course A may understand B better than B understands A, but differences in their perspectives, if recognised, may provide a source of motivation for the partners to resolve their differences (Dixson & Duck, 1993).
