ABSTRACT
I have very mixed-up feelings about my childhood, but worst of all I feel very bad about myself. To the outside world I appear to be confident, together, and the person people feel they can come to and confide their problems. Inside, I often see an ugly, sad person who is unable to sustain relationships or ever feel properly loved. If people say they care for or love me, I think they have ulterior motives and I generally find it very difficult to trust anyone. I feel especially guilty when I look at what I have achieved and think that maybe I am making a fuss about nothing, because so much time has passed since I left my house, my family, and all other connections with the first eighteen years of my life.
