ABSTRACT
THESE MADE UP SENTENCES REPRESENT THE MOST POWERFUL unconscious agendas through which Ali and I organized our interactions with each other, painful agendas ofhope, connection, and loss through which we related. We each wanted the other to do something. Ali wanted me to love her unconditionally and to help relieve her pain; and I wanted to be helpful to someone who was in pain. I discovered that something fundamental in me wanted her to recognize that she needed to change. Because our pain and de sires were unconsciously somewhat at odds, Ali and I often entered into clashes such as those represented in my article. These, then, were the con flicts that we brought into the room with us.
