Above all, the therapist did not want to interfere with the delicate opening up of Sandra's passionate femininity. While recognizing the validity of Sandra's worries about losing her potential boyfriend, the therapist suggested that Sandra go slowly at first to see whether she cared enough about him to want an ongoing relationship. Here the therapist was emphasizing something that is so often lost sight of: namely, a woman, no matter how inexperienced and uncertain she is in her dealings with men, does have preferences and dislikes. The therapist was thereby communicating to her that Sandra had the right to say, "No, this man is not really understanding enough for me to lay bare the painful facts of my life. I've had enough humiliation and disappointment already." At the same time, the therapist was conveying to Sandra that, again like a good selfobject, the therapist would be there to help her plan what to tell the man if she decided she wanted to risk it.