ABSTRACT
The government released the preliminary 1980 census results for our area and it showed that the coastal communities lost population between 1970 and 1980. The story was cause for general amusement and satisfaction by the natives. Officially half of us don't exist, which is fine with us, although the tax man knows we’re here so unfortunately we still get to pay our share of the new administration's fascination with defending us against starving Central American peasants and an aging Politburo in Moscow which seems to have its hands full keeping bread on Russia's table.
