ABSTRACT
In the sessions leading up to de-escalation, the therapist places each partner’s emotional responses, as they are accessed, in the context of the other partner’s behavior and the couple’s cycle. Fears about the unlovable nature of the self, for example, begin to be accessed as the process of de-escalation increases safety in the relationship. With de-escalation completed, the therapy session is now a secure base where new and greater emotional risks can be taken and a new deeper level of engagement initiated. If the goal of therapy is the creation of the most secure attachment possible for a couple, then this new level is essential. De-escalation is only halfway home. De-escalation is the essential precursor to the second stage of emotionally focused therapy (EFT), restructuring attachment. The EFT therapist will reflect a feeling and validate it as a first step in encouraging partners to enter more fully into their emotional experience.
