ABSTRACT
The narrative of Panu is portrayed through the repeated annual Christian festival, Christmas. This festival, which occurs in Thailand, gives the origin of a writer’s internalised black lamb/sheep (Gae Dam), with his uncertain question ‘What is the underlying reason God had for creating him’. Throughout this chapter, this symbolic animal further embraces and explores a series of Christmases with the experience of love, relationship, friendships, and the grown-up life. The quest for an understanding of his gender identity through both religious and societal contexts and the word ‘Phet tee saam’ (third gender) are explained and discussed. In the end, a question still remained, but with the emergence of realization that Gae dam or Phet tee saam people are never truly alone and can search and find their own flock.
