ABSTRACT
This chapter addresses experiences of what some literature refers to as “consensual unwanted sex”, which is to say, unwanted sex that the unwilling person nevertheless agrees, or gives in, to. The chapter delves deeply into the relational mechanisms that have made some of the participants acquiesce to, go along with, and in some cases even actively initiate sex that they did not want to participate in. In none of the cases was fear of a partner a reason for complying; instead, more subtle relational risks were usually involved, often making the idea of saying no unthinkable. Women's and men's difficulties of saying no, due to gendered scripts, are compared. The chapter also discusses the sensitive question of the unwilling or victimized person's agency and responsibility. While considering the risks of drawing attention to the behaviour of the unwilling party, the analysis shows that one key component in the cultivation of a consent culture must be to address the internal psychological obstacles that sometimes make people acquiesce to sex they do not want participate in.
